BODY LANGUAGE 1.7

BODY LANGUAGE 1.7

[Top 5 Body Language Do's and Don'ts] 

It's vital to display the right body language and recognise the signs in others to 'read' how they feel about the interaction. 

What are the top 5 body language do's?

1. Shaking hands - keep your hand vertical and match the pressure you receive. This might feel a little strange at first and it takes a bit of practice.  But people don't like having their hands crushed - nor do they enjoy a handshake with no substance. Matching the pressure from the other person is very well received and communicates that you are non-threatening.  When you meet someone new and you shake hands, repeat their name twice to confirm you heard it correctly.  Not only does this make the person feel important, it lets you remember their name through the repetition.
2. Do keep your palms up & fingers together - People will read you as non-aggressive and will respond positively to you. People who keep their fingers closed & their hands below their chin when they talk command the most attention and are seen as more authoritative.
3. Do keep your distance - respect the person's personal space, which will be the greatest in the opening minutes of a new meeting.  If you move into close, the person may respond by sitting back, or leaning away or using gestures that reveal irritation, such as drumming their fingers or clicking a pen.
4. Do Mirror Body Language - mirroring another person's body language and speech patterns builds rapport quickly.  In a new meeting with someone, mirror their sitting position, posture, body angles, gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice. Before long, they'll start to feel that there's something about you they really like - they'll describe you as easy to be with.  You'll find that people open up more and will usually give better responses to your questions.  Whereas people who don't mirror your gestures may often leave, probably saying 'there was something about him/her I just didn't like'.
5. Do Smile - Do Smile! Research shows that it's hard-wired into the brain to understand smiling. For example, when I meet you, if you smile at me, my brain registers that you're not threatening, just as it is with other primates. So I'll return the smile to show that I'm not threatening either. Right at the very opening, we've got a good relationship going because we're not threatening to each other. Results show that women smile on average four times more than men - which can be disastrous for women in business. Just picture; women sitting around the Boardroom table with a bunch of hard-faced guys and you want to try and loosen them up so you smile at them a lot. And they may start thinking 'she's a bit of a scatterbrain'. So This is advisable to mirror the amount of smiling you're receiving around the table.

What are the top 5 body language don'ts ?

1. Don't speak too quickly - match the other person's speech rate - a person's speed of speaking reveals the rate at which their brain can consciously analyze information.  Speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person and mirror their inflection and intonation.  Studies show that others describe feeling 'pressured' when someone speaks faster than they do.
2. Don't cross your arms - arms folded across the chest is perceived as an attempt to put a barrier between the person and something that fosters shorter, more negative conversations.  A person's recall of what is said decreases by up to 40% when they fold their arms and they are more critical when recalling what the speaker said.  To be persuasive, keep your arms unfolded.
3. Don't touch your face - studies show that when someone is concealing information or lying, their face touching frequency increases dramatically due to an increase in blood pressure in the face, especially inside the nose.  If you have an itchy nose, people who don't know this are likely to think you're lying.  So keep your hands away from your face.
4. Don't let your arms drop inside the arms of the chair - Keep your elbows out - sitting with your elbows on the armrest of a chair is perceived as a position of power and conveys a strong, upright image.  Humble, defeated individuals let their arms drop inside the arms of the chair and they keep their elbows close to the bodies to protect themselves.  They are perceived as fearful or negative, so avoid sitting like this.
5. Don't arrive unprepared - Practice!  Before you go to an important meeting, sit quietly for a few minutes and mentally rehearse the above skills picturing yourself doing them well.  When your mind can act them clearly, your body will be able to carry them out.

note: *Don't lie - and that's the truth.

If someone is scratching their nose, their eyes, tugging at an ear and looking away a lot, you might not believe all they are saying.  Honesty is still the best policy regardless of how confident and convincing you may sound, if you are lying your body will send out contradictory signals that will alert others to your deliberate deception. Our attitudes and emotions are continually revealed on our faces and, most of the time, we are completely unaware of it.  When we're trying to conceal a lie, or a certain thought flashes into our mind, it can be shown for a split second on our face. Professional liars and actors can refine their body gestures to a point where others may not necessarily 'see' the lie, but for the inexperienced, the tell tale traits of deception will conspire against you every time. The difficulty with lying is that the subconscious mind acts automatically and independently of our verbal lie. Our body language gives us away with basic gestures such as avoiding eye contact, covering the mouth, crossing arms and legs or touching the nose or the neck. But even if you manage to consciously suppress these major body gestures, numerous, seemingly indiscernible, micro gestures will still be transmitted such as facial muscular twitching, dilation and contraction of pupils, sweating, flushed cheeks and increased eye- blinking.  Whether the other person spots these things is another question.

*by Sharon Sayler, author of What Your Body Says (and how to master the message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business

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(to be continued...)