Present Like A Pro: Impactful Content Development (II)

Present Like A Pro:
Impactful Content Development (II)

Let's look at ways that an audience measures your ethos-pathos-logos, and examine why it is so critical for a successful speech.

Tactics to Establish Ethos

If you have high ethos, your audience is listening and attentive from your first word. They expect that you have something valuable to say, and they are eager to hear it. They are likely to be persuaded by you, provided that your speech is compelling.

Ethos is about your audience’s perception of you, and this perception can be formed over time, or perhaps over many past speeches. So, first let's examine things you can do in the long run to improve your ethos.

(i) Have a clean online profile and social media presence. 

(ii) Develop deep expertise in topics you speak about.

(iii) Your introduction is probably the single best opportunity for you to establish your ethos with this audience on this day. For this reason, you should always write your own introduction.

(iv) You’ve got to take charge of your personal branding and make sure that it’s a brand that emphasizes the qualities you want to emphasize.

(v) Analyze your audience. Audience analysis will reveal valuable clues that you can use to adapt yourself to your audience. 

(vi) Seek to find common traits that you share and highlight them. For other traits, find ways to adapt your language, your mannerisms, your dress, your PowerPoint visuals, or your stories to match the audience.

(vii) Can you show up early to welcome the audience?

(viii) If your presentation is part of a larger event, try to attend as much of it as you can. Every minute you spend with your audience as an audience member builds your level of affiliation with them. The event becomes a shared experience. The audience sees you as one of them.

(viii) Tell stories or anecdotes which show you are consistent with your message.

(ix) Use language familiar to your audience.

(x) Use visuals/examples which resonate with your audience.

(xi) Reference people in the audience or previous speakers or events earlier that day. This forms connections with the audience.

(xii) Make yourself available to your audience. Whenever possible, stick around after your presentation is over. Mingle with the audience. Not only will you have the opportunity for productive follow-up conversations, but your audience will see you as accessible.

(xiii) Follow through on promises made during your presentation. One technique for managing a short Q&A session is to defer thorny or complex questions to a later time.

Tactics to Establish Pathos

Emotions — whether fear or love, pity or anger — are powerful motivators for your audience. An audience emotionally stimulated in the right way is more likely to accept your claims and act on your requests. By learning how to make emotional appeals, you greatly improve your effectiveness as a speaker.

(i) Choose emotional points and topics, for example "Beat your social anxiety" would trigger more powerful emotions than "Learn how to speak in a group."

(ii) Use analogies and metaphors - linking your ideas with something your listeners already know about and feel strongly about can trigger emotional responses. For example, "They are awful" compared to "They are poisonous." This will use the audience's knowledge that poison is bad and therefore this issue needs to be dealt with.

(iii) Use emotionally charged words, for example, say "This kitchen roll is a life-saver" rather than "This kitchen roll is great". Another way to make a statement more emotional is to use vivid and sensory words which allow the audience to experience the emotion. For instance, "The smell of your grandparents' house" will increase the recollection of hopefully warm memories, and therefore will trigger certain emotions.

(iv) Using humour increases the likelihood that the audience are enjoying themselves and so they are more likely to like you and listen to you.

(v) Visual aids can sometimes be more powerful than words, for example, showing an image of a scared small child will have more impact than saying that children are often victims of domestic violence.

(vi) Research your audience and find out what their shared values are. Target these values and beliefs because they are strongly associated to emotions.

(vii) Storytelling is a quick way to form an emotional connection. It's often used to link a part of a key message with an emotional response - you'll be familiar with seeing this in adverts asking for charity donations.

(viii) Match what you're saying with your body language, face and eyes. People often mirror emotions so by matching your body language with your words you increase the chances of triggering the desired emotions.

(ix) Also match your voice to your words, for example, if you want to show sadness speak in a soft voice, if you want to show excitement then increase your pace etc.

(x) Stand as close as you can to the audience so the speech feels more personal - don't hide behind the computer screen.

(xi) Be Authentic Remember that the goal of pathos is to connect with the audience and share emotions with them. To share an emotion, you’ve got to feel it too. Be honest. Share your presentation in a way that your audience will feel as passionately as you feel.

(xii) Connect with your eyes. Meaningful eye contact is about connecting with one person at a time. Your eyes should express your excitement, your confidence, or your joy.

Tactics to Establish Logos

Logos is often equated with “logical reasoning” or “an argument based on reasoning”. You might be thinking that logic is dry and boring. You might also be thinking that you want to be a dynamic and fun speaker, and so logical reasoning isn’t really that important to you. While you may not get turned on by logical analysis, it is critical to your success.

(i) Use language that your audience will understand. Avoid jargon and over-technical terminology.

(ii) Use simple figures and charts to make the presentations more understandable.

(iii) Make the relationship between your evidence and conclusions clear.

(iv) Analogies and metaphors are helpful especially when explaining new ideas and theories.

(v) Ask questions, and get your audience thinking. This will make them active listeners so they may even come to your conclusion themselves.

(vi) Talk about opposing views as this allows you to explain why your logical arguments are more reasonable.

(vii) Facts and stats cannot be debated and they signify the truth.

(viii) Talking about something in abstract terms is good, but using real objects or photographs carries more logos. Visual evidence, such as, objects and videos are hard to challenge. 

(ix) Citing specialists, experts and authorities on a topic increases the quality of your evidence and therefore your claims. 

(x) Tell stories, such as, case studies or personal experiences. The audience would like to hear your own stories. 

(xi) Cite your sources. A statistic may be accurate, but without citing a source, your audience may dismiss it. By citing a source, you tip the scale towards believability.

(xii) Use real examples and case studies. Real examples and case studies show that the theory works in the real world.

******

Present Like A Pro: Impactful Content Development (I)

Present Like A Pro:
Impactful Content Development (I) 

2,300 years ago, Aristotle determined the components needed for persuasive speaking. They are referred to as the three pillars of persuasion - ethos, pathos and logos. 

Here, you’ll learn what ethos, pathos, and logos are (the secret!), and what every speaker needs to understand about these three pillars of public speaking.

What Are Ethos, Pathos and Logos? 

Ethos, pathos and logos are modes of persuasion used to convince and appeal to an audience. You need these qualities for your audience to accept your messages. 

Ethos: Your Credibility and Character 

Pathos: Emotional Bond with Your Listeners 

Logos: Logical and Rational Argument

Ethos - The Ethical Appeal 

Ethos is Greek for "character" and "ethic" is derived from ethos. Ethos consists of convincing your audience that you have good character and you are credible therefore your words can be trusted.

Ethos must be established from the start of your talk or the audience will not accept what you say. In fact, ethos is often established before your presentation.

There are many aspects to building your credibility: 

Does the audience respect you? 

Does the audience believe you are of good character? 

Does the audience believe you are generally trustworthy? 

Does the audience believe you are an authority on this speech topic?

Pathos - The Emotional Appeal 

Pathos is Greek for suffering and experience. Empathy, sympathy and pathetic are derived from pathos. Pathos is to persuade by appealing to the audience's emotions.

As a speaker, you want the audience to feel the same emotions you feel about something, you want to emotionally connect with them and influence them. If you have low pathos the audience is likely to try to find flaws in your arguments.

Pathos is the quality of a persuasive presentation which appeals to the emotions of the audience. 

Do your words evoke feelings of … love? … sympathy? … fear? 

Do your visuals evoke feelings of compassion? … envy? 

Does your characterization of the competition evoke feelings of hate? contempt? 

Emotional connection can be created in many ways by a speaker, perhaps most notably by stories.

The goal of a story, anecdote, analogy, simile, and metaphor is often to link an aspect of our primary message with a triggered emotional response from the audience.

Logos - The Logical Appeal 

The word “logic” is derived from logos. Logos is to appeal to logic by relying on the audience's intelligence and offering evidence in support of your argument.

Logos also develops ethos because the information makes you look knowledgeable. 

Logos is synonymous with a logical argument. 

Does your message make sense? 

Is your message based on facts, statistics, and evidence? 

Will your call-to-action lead to the desired outcome that you promise?

******

Present Like A Pro: Start with A Surprise!

Present Like A Pro: Start with A Surprise!

Did you know that you normally lose 90% of your audience within the first 5 minutes of your presentation? If you get 60 minutes to present, you do not get 60 minutes worth of attention. 

According to experts, public speaking is one of the most important and beneficial skill sets for your career. It helps to increase confidence and shapes the perception of others about you when you deliver a presentation.

According to experts, public speaking is one of the most important and beneficial skill sets for your career. It helps to increase confidence and shapes the perception of others about you when you deliver a presentation.

Wondering how to start a presentation that makes your audience sit up in their seats with excitement? Presentation starters like these are key to grabbing your audience's attention and making the most of the time allotted to you.

"Today, you will learn something that will add 10 years to your life." "20 years from now, your job won't exist." 

"Did you know that more people have access to a mobile phone than a toilet?" 

Knowing how to start a presentation is just as crucial as the message you're trying to convey. If you can't start it effectively, you might not be able to leave a strong enough impact by the end of it.

Hooking your audience is no easy feat, especially if you are on a short timeline but it is a vital piece of the puzzle if you want to be able to perform presentations that leave people engaged and wowed!

A hook or grabber is the part of your presentation that compels an audience to sit up and pay attention. It should come at the beginning of your talk, where it can do the most good. 

Audiences have a lot on their minds as they prepare to listen to your remarks. They might in fact be attending a number of presentations that week. 

So you need to let them know right away that you're the speaker who is going to be interesting. Once engaged, listeners will stay with you. That is, as long as the body of your speech doesn't fail to live up to expectations. But it's that hook that gets everything started.

What then does a good speech hook do? 

(1) It resonates with the audience. 

(2) It surprises them. 

(3) It's concise. 

(4) It taps into something larger than your topic. 

Presentation coach, Patricia Fripp, claims that a presenter has approximately 30 seconds to capture interest before an audience’s attention gets lost. Let’s take a look at the top presentation hook ideas you can use to start your presentation and focus your audience‘s attention on your message:

(a) Tell a Story.
Storytelling has been known to increase audience retention by up to 26%. Storytelling is one of the most powerful ways to open up a presentation due to its ability to create and demonstrate human connections. When a presentation is able to communicate emotion and a relatable experience with an audience, they are not only more likely to listen to what is being said but also trust the presenter. Include a brief story in the introduction of your presentation that incorporates and delivers your message clearly, energetically, and empathetically.

(b) Surprise Your Audience.
Interesting or surprising statistics get straight to the point and keep your listeners on the edge of their seats. Audiences can quickly grasp what points the speaker is trying to make and they won’t feel lost with any abstract information. Statistics give a presentation concrete purpose and can also provide credibility to the presenter. Make sure to round up the stats – it is easier for people to grasp whole numbers over than decimal points. Try using an infographic, this provides a visual aid for the audience and also reinforces the main points.

(c) Use Their Imaginations.
Open your audience’s mind. Mentally engaging the audience creates an image in their head, as well as suspense. Try beginning a sentence with “close your eyes and imagine…” then follow with something that relates to your message. This will set the tone for your entire presentation.

(d) Make Them Laugh.
Humor can be integrally persuasive and lighten the mood. Laughter also makes you accessible and can cause the audience to feel more comfortable and engaged with your words.

(e) Imply Action.
Throughout the presentation, mention attainable goals and plans of actions each individual can take. Use language such as “We can,” “We will,” etc.. This gives your audience purpose, inspiration, and directly involves them in the presentation’s content.

(f) Interact with the Audience.
Ask rhetorical questions. Getting the audience involved and thinking about potential answers creates a give-and-take relationship between the speaker and the audience. Having interactions with the audience is known to be more persuasive and enjoyable rather than someone speaking at the audience for a period of time.

(g) Grab Them with a Quote.
Quotes give you the ability to utilize an expert’s take on the subject. Use an inspirational, astounding, or meaningful quote to hook the audience and make your presentation more memorable. Ensure the quote relates to your content in some way and lays the foundation for your presentation as a whole.

(h) Trigger their Senses. 
Visuals trigger imagination and people process visuals better and more quickly than words, which can make your presentation more enjoyable and memorable. Open with images that arouse intrigue, or even a little bit of confusion. This way, you can easily grab the audience’s attention and proceed with your message and goals.

(i) Use Props.
Get creative by incorporating props into your presentation, which will also offer a different type of visual for your audience. Incorporate some humor to lighten the tone and relax your audience as well. When using props, however, be careful about how they’re used, if paraded around too much, they can distract from the rest of your presentation.

(j) Give them Anxiety.
You can capture an audience’s attention by reminding them of their own fears or worries. Anxiety is characterized by uncertainty and can be magnified by our inability to foresee the future. A worrisome statistic, visual, or statement will activate the amygdala, stimulating worry or doubt in the brain and priming the audience to pay attention. Don’t go about scaring your audience, but instilling a bit of distress will certainly get them to listen.

SUMMARY

(i) Use a surprising metaphor - straight to the problem.
(ii) Arouse curiosity.
(iii) Trigger the audience imagination. 
(iv) Provide a reference to a historical event.
(v) Leverage historical events. 
(vi) Deliver a compelling sound bite.
(vii) Make them laugh bring it to life - show an appealing picture. 
(viii) Make a startling assertion.
(ix) Break common belief and provoke the audience. 
(x) Use quotations to grab them. 
(xi) Use quotations differently.
(xii) State a shocking fact questions and audience interaction. 
(xiii) Quote a foreign proverb.
(xiv) Take them through a "what if" scenario.
(xv) Storytelling. 
(xvi) Combine more hooking techniques together.

******

21 Practical Ways for Staying Positive in Life (Part II)

21 Practical Ways for 
Staying Positive in Life (Part II)

When we make a decision to become positive and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive.

Let’s look at some other ways of building a habit of being positive.

1. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself:

A 2016 study pointed out that, “Decreasing stress-making hormones found in the blood, laughter can mitigate the effects of stress”. By decreasing levels of certain hormones in the body, laughter can help to reverse the stress response, mitigating short-term or long-term depression. If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy, and finding happiness makes finding positivity a lot easier.

2. Help Others:
Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one. To learn how to get rid of negative energy, look outside yourself and begin to help others. 

3. Surround Yourself with Positive People:
We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior. 

4. Turn Negative Energy Into Positive Action:

The next time you’re in one of these situations and feel bad, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and piece of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem. 

5. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials:

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the inspirational, spiritual material, or motivational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals:

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress. Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more. 

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity:

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job. Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial. 

8. Create a Daily Gratitude List:

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day. Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. 

9. Practice Self-Care:

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively. Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking. 

10. Start the Day with a Positive Affirmation:

How you start the morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. Have you ever woken up late, panicked, and then felt like nothing good happened the rest of the day? This is likely because you started out the day with a negative emotion and a pessimistic view that carried into every other event you experienced. Instead of letting this dominate you, start your day with positive affirmations. Talk to yourself in the mirror, even if you feel silly, with statements like, “Today will be a good day” or “I’m going to be awesome today.” You’ll be amazed how much your day improves. 

11. Focus on the Good Things, however Small:

Almost invariably, you’re going to encounter obstacles throughout the day—there’s no such thing as a perfect day. When you encounter such a challenge, focus on the benefits, no matter how slight or unimportant they seem. For example, if you get stuck in traffic, think about how you now have time to listen to the rest of your favorite podcast. If the store is out of the food you want to prepare, think about the thrill of trying something new. 

12. Find Humor in Bad Situations:

Allow yourself to experience humor in even the darkest or most trying situations. Remind yourself that this situation will probably make for a good story later and try to crack a joke about it. Say you’re laid off; imagine the most absurd way you could spend your last day, or the most ridiculous job you could pursue next. 

13. Turn Failures into Lessons:

You aren’t perfect. You’re going to make mistakes and experience failure in multiple contexts, at multiple jobs and with multiple people. Instead of focusing on how you failed, think about what you’re going to do next time—turn your failure into a lesson. Conceptualize this in concrete rules. For example, you could come up with three new rules for managing projects as a result. 

14. Focus on the Present:

I’m talking about the present—not today, not this hour, only this exact moment. You might be getting chewed out by your boss, but what in this exact moment is happening that’s so bad? Forget the comment he made five minutes ago. Forget what he might say five minutes from now. Focus on this one, individual moment. In most situations, you’ll find it’s not as bad as you imagine it to be. Most sources of negativity stem from a memory of a recent event or the exaggerated imagination of a potential future event. Stay in the present moment. 

15. Find Positive Friends, Mentors and Co-workers:

When you surround yourself with positive people, you’ll hear positive outlooks, positive stories and positive affirmations. Their positive words will sink in and affect your own line of thinking, which then affects your words and similarly contributes to the group. Finding positive people to fill up your life can be difficult, but you need to eliminate the negativity in your life before it consumes you. Do what you can to improve the positivity of others, and let their positivity affect you the same way. 

16. Practice:

Confidence is the result of not just doing something well, but knowing you can do something well.  When you practice often, you get good.  When you get good, you feel confident about your abilities.  When you feel confident about your abilities, you take more risks, practice even more, and ultimately become a master of your craft. Similarly, if you do not practice, you won't feel good about your skills.  If you don't feel good about your skills, you won't take as many risks, you'll get down on yourself, you won't practice as often, and you'll make very few strides on your path to greatness.  

17. Believe You Will Succeed:

In order to feel more positive, you will need to start believing in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you are showing great self-worth and care. Try not to get scared by the fear of failing or not reaching your goals and know that even if you do make a mistake, you can try again. Believe that you will achieve your goals and you are one step closer to doing so. Remember that any mistake made is just a lesson to learn from. 

18. Practice Positive Affirmations:

Positive daily affirmations are great for keeping you optimistic and reminding you of the good things in your life. Positive affirmations are statements you repeat to yourself every day that make you feel good. For example, if you are struggling with low self-esteem, you would repeat ‘I am beautiful’ to yourself in the mirror, this could be in the morning or whenever you would prefer. When you keep repeating these affirmations you are reminding yourself of these positive statements and can start to believe in them more and more. 

19. Use The Mirror Technique:

You may have never heard of the secret mirror technique, but if you have, you will probably understand how easy and helpful this technique can be. In the morning and in the evening, stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself and start saying what you like about yourself. Give yourself confidence, praise yourself and tell yourself how great you are. Doing this can really start to change your mindset and help you with your confidence. You can start to feel much more positive and optimistic about yourself and your life. 

20. Breathe:

Breathing may seem like a very simple and little thing to do, but you may be surprised at how it can help you to stay positive. When we are worried and stressed we often make decisions quite quickly without thinking. If you can stop and take some long deep breaths, you can then focus on your breathing for a little while, whilst clearing your head. This can help you to think rationally and become more positive even if you are in a stressful situation. This can also bring you back to stay in the present moment, which is great for helping you to switch your mindset.

21. Use Self-Hypnosis:

Self-hypnosis can really help you achieve a new positive mindset. When we take part in self-hypnosis we are opening our highly conscious state of mind to follow instructions. This means that we can be much more open to positive words and self-suggestions, which can start to train our mind to be more optimistic and happy. Be sure to research and find out more about how self-hypnosis could help you.

So, here is another example of one of my former students who understood the value of positivity in life and changed his entire outlook to achieve his goals. 
Coincidentally, I received this message on my birthday :) 

Stay Positive!

******

21 Practical Ways for
Staying Positive in Life (Part I) 

When we make a decision to become positive and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive.

Negativity limits your potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. It has a tangible effect on our health, too. 

Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively. 

When we make a decision to become positive and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. 

Although negative and positive energy will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity. 

Before we get into building positivity into our life, let’s look at why we would even bother. What are the real benefits of being more positive? 

(I) Negativity doesn’t work – Literally – Our subconscious brain can’t handle it: 
The other thing about negativity is that our brains can’t process negative words according to the latest studies. So when we hear phrase like “don’t smoke” or “don’t touch that,” our subconscious skips over these negative words and simply hears “smoke” or “touch that.” 

Our conscious mind can obviously process these words, but it’s the subconscious that makes a lot of our decisions without us realizing. What this means for us is that we struggle to change our habits or thought patterns when we tell ourselves negative phrases, since only our conscious minds can take those in. 

We can make this much easier and let the subconscious do its job by using positively-framed phrases like “refrain from smoking” or “walk away from that.”

(II) You’ll improve your outlook of the future: 

Positive thinking can actually improve our overall happiness. Noting down things we’re grateful for on a regular basis and how that can improve our happiness. 

A study at the University of North Carolina also showed that positive emotions are more likely to encourage people to plan ahead and think of actions they would like to take or activities they’d like to participate in the future. Negative emotions, on the other hand, led to participants being less inclined to think positively about their future. 

(III) You’ll be more healthy:

Yes, positivity has shown to directly affect your physical health. Another study from the University of North Carolina used the ancient practice of loving-kindness meditation to test how cultivating positive feelings like love, compassion and goodwill towards others could affect the emotional and physical health of the participants. 

Compared to the control group who did not participate in the meditation, the meditators showed increases in positive emotions like amusement, awe and gratitude during the research period. They also reported feeling more socially connected and closer to the people around them. 

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

Now that we know how beneficial positivity can be to our health and happiness, let’s look at some ways of building a habit of being positive.

1. FOCUS ON WHAT'S POSSIBLE: 

Avoid “can’t” thinking or other negative language. Don’t be afraid to seek help in accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don’t need approval from others to recognize your accomplishments. Focus on what you’re able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and positive qualities. 

2. LET GO OF THE PAST:

You must look to the future to change. Stop thinking of old failures. They are the past. This is NOW. Remind yourself that this time you’re focusing on the core issues that will ensure your success. BELIEVE IT! 

3. LEARN TO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS AND BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-IMAGE, AND CONFIDENCE. 

A compliment is a gift to the receiver and a gift to the giver if the receiver really accepts it. Very few people do this well. Truly taking in a compliment is an opportunity to increase our self-esteem, self-image, and confidence. If you don't accept the gift of a compliment, it hurts the giver’s feelings and the chance of that person giving you a gift again is decreased. 

4. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. 

People often feel perfectly comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn’t consider treating others. Do you call yourself names like fat, ugly, and loser? Would you use those terms to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated well. Do something nice for yourself sometimes, either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action (give yourself a nice workout). 

5. BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. 

Just as you can’t make all other people happy, don’t expect others to make you feel happy or good about yourself...and don’t blame them if you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may set the stage for your emotions, but they can’t dictate them. What others think about you and say to you can only have as much effect as you allow it to have. What’s important is what you tell yourself, and how you react to others. 

6. ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU. 

Just as not everything is your fault, not everything is your responsibility, either. You’re responsible for you; it's great if you also influence others positively, but you’re not responsible for their thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s OK to be helpful, but don’t feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is putting too much of a burden on yourself. 

7. LOSE THE GUILT. 

You’re not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting the blame can be a positive quality — if you're in the wrong. You learn and move on. But you shouldn’t feel responsible for all problems or assume you’re to blame whenever someone’s upset. 

8. ENCOURAGE YOURSELF. 

Instead of focusing on the negative, replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive suggestions instead of being critical. (“Maybe if I try to do ____ next time, it would be even better,” instead of “I didn’t do that right.”) Compliment yourself and those around you on what you’ve achieved. (“Well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great job with what we did.”) Giving praise will also encourage others to praise you, and this builds up your confidence to continue on the path. 

9. DON’T BULLY YOURSELF! 

It’s great to want to do well, but expecting yourself to be better than the best and then punishing yourself when you fail is a vicious cycle. Stop it. Live in the present and move forward. Don’t drag the past along for the ride; it gets heavy. Keep saying to yourself, “I know I can...I know I can...I can...I can!” Tell your subconscious you’ve already done it. Be kind to yourself and remember you can do this! 

10. IT'S OK TO BLOW IT. 

Maybe you got nervous and embarrassed that you couldn't keep up in workout session or felt bad that you gave in and ate those potato chips. It’s OK. All people have weaknesses, and we all fall off the path at times or don’t do things as well as we think we should. Your boss, co-workers, friends, family, and favorite movie star have all had embarrassing moments and setbacks. Make doing your best your ideal goal. Focus on what you’ve gained from the process and how you can use it in the future. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself.

11. LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE. 

Did you know that love is a word derived from the Sanskrit word that means looking for the good? Be loving toward yourself (and others), and instead of focusing on what you think your negative qualities are, accentuate your strengths and assets. Maybe you didn’t develop enough stamina this month to run a mile, but perhaps your hard work and perseverance led to losing an additional five pounds. Maybe you felt nervous and self-conscious when going out to a formal social event, but you received numerous comments from friends that they were happy you joined them and had a good time. 

12. AVOID ABSOLUTES AND EXAGGERATIONS. 

Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative: “I always eat too much” or “i’ll never lose weight.” These are absolutes, meaning they’re always 100 percent true, but there are very few absolutes in life. If you exaggerate or use an absolute, rephrase what you say. For example, “I always eat too much” can be changed to, “In the past, i’ve often eaten too much. Now, I’m getting better at how much I eat.” Then feel good about taking control of your thoughts. 

13. HALT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY. 

Sometimes putting a stop to negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal critique session, tell yourself to stop it! If you saw a person yelling insults at someone else, you’d probably tell them to stop, wouldn’t you? Why do you accept that behavior from yourself? 

14. STOP MAKING EXCUSES: 

To be more positive, you should try and stop putting up barriers over new challenges. You may even be making excuses with regards to things that could have a chance of making you feel happier, and not even know. Try and say yes a little bit more and dim the voice in the head telling you that you cannot do it. 

15. ONLY USE POSITIVE WORDS WHEN TALKING: 

When you are talking to others and even yourself, try and stick to using positive words only, and refrain from any negative words. You should try and stop using words such as ‘no’, ‘can’t’, ‘won’t’ and ‘don’t’, and replace them with more positive words. This way you are changing your physical words and your brain can start getting used to a more positive language. 

16. REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR BLESSINGS: 

Just like when you remind yourself of how great you are, you should also remind yourself of all your blessings. These types of things could be your family, friends or even smaller things such as having a roof over your head. You could even tell your family and friends what your blessings are so you are also saying them out loud and repeating it to yourself. 

17. DEVELOP A PERSONAL MANTRA: 

A Mantra is much like a positive affirmation, but you typically will develop your own personal mantra to repeat to yourself. Make sure your mantra are words that inspire you and can remind you to stay positive each day. You can repeat these to yourself in meditation or whenever you feel most relaxed and calm. 

18. PREPARE YOUR ENVIRONMENT: 

The environment we try to build new habits in (or break old ones, even) has a huge effect on how successful we are. Environment in this case includes the people we spend time with and the messages we hear or tell ourselves, as well as our physical environment. In terms of being positive, you could find a friend or family member to do this with to keep you accountable, or set a daily reminder so you don’t forget. Filling your work space with positive sayings or images could help, and reading books that encourage positive thinking will reinforce this. 

19. TAKE NOTE OF ONE POSITIVE MOMENT EVERY DAY: 

Noticing the positive things that happen in your everyday life has been proven to be a successful method of increasing your positive thinking. This doesn’t just happen when you’re doing the exercise: the effects can actually last much longer. 

20. TRY TO MEDITATE:

Meditating is beneficial for the body and mind. It not only improves mindfulness and positive thinking while you’re doing it, but it has been shown to decrease illness and improve mindfulness and feelings of purpose in life up to three months after being practiced daily for a short period. After establishing the habit for several weeks, you can slowly increase the length of your meditation sessions to an amount that gives you the most benefit. 

21. BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING: 

When we spend time being grateful and appreciate everything in our lives—from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day—we shift our attitude from one of lack and frustration to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships. We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving instead of taking.

Here is the example of one of my former students who tried some of these practices and successfully changed his life for the better. 

Stay positive!

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Why Do Only A Few Become Successful?

Why Do Only A Few Become Successful?

When you are dealing with a challenge in your life, do you feel that you have control over the outcome? Or do you believe that you are simply at the hands of outside forces?

“I do not believe in destiny – the word “fail” does not exist in my dictionary. I never fail, because I never stopped trying. In life, you get what you negotiate. Any woman has the capacity to do what I did-it does not matter what you want, what matters is how badly you want it.”

~ Shahnaz Hussain, world’s greatest successful woman entrepreneur

Abraham Lincon is considered as an epitome of achiever with his internal locus of control. His message based on his life experiences seems very pertinent to be cited as an excellent example of the internal locus of control when he says, 

“Always remember in mind that your own resolution to succeed is the more important than anyone thing."

Outlook 1: 
• If you work hard and commit yourself to a goal, you can achieve anything.
• There is no such thing as fate or destiny.
• If you study hard and are well-prepared, you can do well on exams.
• Luck has little to do with success; it's mostly a matter of dedication and effort.
• In the long run, people tend to get what they deserve in life.

Outlook 2: 
• I often feel that I have little control over my life and what happens to me.
• People rarely get what they deserve.
• It isn't worth setting goals or making plans because too many things can happen that are outside of my control.
• Life is a game of chance.
• Individuals have little influence over the events of the world. 

If you believe that you have control over what happens, then you have what psychologists refer to as an internal locus of control. If you believe that you have no control over what happens and that external variables are to blame, then you have what is known as an external locus of control.

Your locus of control can influence not only how you respond to the events that happen in your life, but also your motivation to take action.

If you believe that you hold the keys to your fate, you are more likely to take action to change your situation when needed. If on the other hand, you believe that the outcome is out of your hands, you may be less likely to work toward change.

"A locus of control orientation is a belief about whether the outcomes of our actions are contingent on what we do (internal control orientation) or on events outside our personal control (external control orientation)."

~ Philip Zimbardo (in his 1985 book 'Psychology and Life')

In 1954, psychologist Julian Rotter suggested that our behavior was controlled by rewards and punishments and that it was these consequences for our actions that determined our beliefs about the underlying causes of these actions.

"Our beliefs about what causes our actions then influence our behaviors and attitudes."

In 1966, Rotter published a scale designed to measure and assess external and internal locus of control. The scale utilizes a forced-choice between two alternatives, requiring respondents to choose just one of two possibilities for each item.

It is important to note that locus of control is a continuum. No one has a 100 percent external or internal locus of control. Instead, most people lie somewhere on the continuum between the two extremes.

Internal locus of control is often used synonymously with "self-determination" and "personal agency." Research has suggested that locus of control tends to become more internal as people grow older.

Your locus of control can have a major impact on your life, from how you cope with stress to your motivation to take charge of your life.

In many cases, having an internal locus of control can be a good thing. It means that you believe that your own actions have an impact. 

If you tend to have more of an external locus of control, you might find it helpful to start actively trying to change how you view situations and events. 

Rather than viewing yourself as simply a passive bystander who is caught up in the flow of life, think about actions you can take that will have an impact on the outcome.

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